Rules about dating guys
Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup.
It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior.” To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.
When we believe something that is out of alignment with reality, we suffer…
To wrap up this point: Most people can’t recognize when they believe something impossible, nor can they see the false belief as the source for all of the suffering…
It’s painful because it’s a belief that something that is impossible is could be possible…
and therefore sets countless impossible expectations into motion.
In the case where you dumped the guy, one common reason is that the guy doesn’t want to be alone, he doesn’t want to deal with his grief over the breakup and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” When he jumps into another relationship, he can get a dose of external female validation and derive a feeling of false sense of self-esteem and self-worth from her positive attention.
It has its cost though and eventually devolves into a crippling neediness.
It’s not uncommon for people, men or women, to derive their sense of well-being, self-worth, and self-esteem from how other people treat them.
Unfortunately, it’s a false sense of well-being and is entirely dependent on the actions of others (thus the inevitable crippling neediness).
For men and women, growth in relationship is in direct proportion to one’s sense of emotional responsibility.
When a person (male or female) realizes that only they themselves can be responsible for their emotions, actions, and reactions…
they break the chain of seeking a sense of OK-ness externally.